2008 Democratic National Convention Agenda

As we all know, every election campaign begins the morning after Election Day. So it should come as no surprise that the Democrats have already planned the agenda for their convention. Fortunately, in this age of high technology, it's really easy to get ahold of advance copies of the plan. To wit:

7:00pm Opening flag burning.
7:15pm Pledge of allegiance to U.N.
7:30pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
7:30 till 8:00pm Nonreligious prayer and worship. Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton.
8:00pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:05pm Ceremonial tree hugging.
8:15-8:30pm Gay Wedding-- Barney Frank Presiding.
8:30pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:35pm Free Saddam Rally, presented by Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon.
9:00pm Keynote speech. "The Proper Etiquette For Surrender" -- French President Jacques Chirac.
9:15pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
9:20pm Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden Kidney Transplant Fund.
9:30pm Unveiling of plan to release freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay by Sean Penn.
9:40pm "Why I Hate The Military", a short talk by William Jefferson Clinton.
9:45pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
9:50pm Dan Rather presented Truth in Broadcasting award, presented by Michael Moore.
9:55pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
10:00pm "How George Bush And Donald Rumsfeld Brought Down The World Trade Center Towers" -- Howard Dean.
10:30pm Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Mahmud Ahmadinejad.
11:00pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
11:05pm Al Gore reinvents the Internet.
11:15pm "Our Troops Are War Criminals" -- John Kerry.
11:30pm Coronation Of Mrs. Rodham Clinton.
12:00am Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
12:05am Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home.

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