Nutty Nursery Rhymes

Mary had a little lamb
its fleece was white as snow
and everywhere that Mary went

she stepped verrrrrry carefully.

~~~~~
Little Tom tinker
sat on a clinker

Dumb ass

~~~~~
Rock-a-bye baby
in the tree top

How the frell did the baby get in the tree top?


~~~~~
Jack and Jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown

and Jill didn't have enough sense not to follow.


~~~~~
Peter Peter Pumpkin eater
had a wife and couldn't keep her

and she took him for everything in the divorce.


~~~~~
Little Miss Muffet
sat on her tuffet
eating her curves away


~~~~~
Jack and Jill went up the hill
each with a buck and a quarter.
Jill came down with two and a half.
Still think they went up for water?


~~~~~
There was an old woman
who lived in a shoe.
Her Visiting Teachers hardly ever came over.


~~~~~
Baa baa, black sheep
have you any wool?

You're kidding, right? I mean, when's the last time you saw a naked sheep?


~~~~~
Hickory, dickory dock
three mice ran up the clock.
The clock struck one
and the other two got away with minor injuries.


~~~~~
Little Jack Horner
Sat in a corner,
Eating a mincemeat pie.
He stuck in his thumb
And pulled out a plum,
And said,

"How the heck did this get in here?"


~~~~~
Little Miss Muffet
sat on her tuffet
eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
and sat down besider her

and said "Whatcha got in the bowl, wench?"