De' fliengde Vuogtlänn'r

Observations, rants, etc. from a guy who really gets around.


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The following 15 Police Comments were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

#14 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? OK, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey DOO."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "Just how big were those two beers?"

#3 "No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

#2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

And.................... THE BEST ONE !!!!!!!

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. .... Sign here.


At 00:55, Blogger T. F. Stern said...

Thank you, some of those are standard lines. My favorite sequence would start out, "You can't write me a ticket", followed by the ticket book being thrown across the street by the pretty lady, followed by, "You can't take me to jail" followed by "You can't put handcuffs on me" followed by several swear words.

At 06:59, Blogger Jahn said...

It always kills me when people tell you you "can't" do things that you wind up doing anyway. ("You can't go in there!" "Really? Watch this!")

On the other side of the coin, there was the cop running radar who pulled a kid over for doing 80 in a 55 zone. As he approached the driver, he laughingly said "I've been waiting for you all day." Said the kid: "Well, I got here as fast as I could."

When the cop stopped laughing, he wrote the kid a warning.

At 17:16, Blogger T. F. Stern said...


Then there was the fellow who got pulled over for doing 95mph; said he'd just washed his car and needed to blow dry it prior to waxing. He got off the first time, the second time, was not so lucky as it was the same officer who pulled him over.


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