Picture Perfect

Anyone who's known me since about the eighth grade knows that I don't pay much -- if any -- attention to outward appearances. While all the rest of the guys were drooling all over themselves about the latest "all that and a bag of chips", I was looking for conversation about..... anything more meaningful than who was on Ed Sullivan last Sunday.

Every once in a while, though, I've gotten the odd (pleasant) surprise .

And sometimes, things just get... a little weird.

There I was, just sitting there minding my own business, not bothering anybody, just browsing thru stuff on LinkUp, and I get an e-mail. From someone I didn't even know. The subject line said something about "I hear you live in Chattanooga". Well, duh. It's right there on my profile.

So I open it and it's from someone calling herself "Bonfire". I click on the profile and read thru her last few posts and decide she's not too scary, so I read the e-mail. She's in town on business for a few days and wants to know if I want to get together for dinner.

Me? Already, I'm looking around for the little red light that tells me where the candid camera is. Nothing. OK, so I figure she seems harmless, so what the heck? I'm sure I'll recognize her from her picture. We swap a few e-mails and decide to have dinner. She's got no vehicle, so I pop over in the Jahnmobile to pick her up.

Now, there are some things in life you're just not properly prepared for. I was expecting someone with relatively humanoid features who wouldn't make my eyes bleed. So I wasn't really ready when this gal comes out and introduces herself. As near as I can recollect, my first thought was "Whoa. She's a babe." Anything I actually said after that was probably gibberish. She probably thought I was retarded.

Anyway, we piled into the Jahnmobile and headed up the road to Ryan's Steakhouse, where we spent an hour swapping "war stories" from the mission field and laughing ourselves silly. Best Friday night I'd had in quite a while. Afterward, I dropped her off back at the Holiday Inn so she could get back to work, and I headed back to my place. On the way, the thought hit me that I should probably send her an invite on LinkUp to join my list. I get back, fire up the ol' laptop, log on to LinkUp and... there's an invite waiting for me. Great minds think alike.

Nice to have some intelligent conversation once in a while. Everything else is icing on the cake

To All My Friends

Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, But never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

You will see no cute little smiley faces on this card -- Just the stone-cold truth of our great friendship.

1.... When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2.. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3.... When you smile -- I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.

4.. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get until you're NOT.

5.. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining..

6.. When you are confused -- I will try to use only little words.

7.. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have...

8.. When you fall -- I will laugh at your clumsy ass, but I'll help you up.

9.. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you might ask; because you are my friend.

Friendship is like wetting your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

Jahn's Law

Jahn's First Law of Computers:

The day after I run any maintenance program, they'll release an upgrade.

Comm 101

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. -- Heinlein

OK, so yet another moron from the local cable company interrupts my evening to try to sell me on a subscription to their over-priced service. (As a side note, I can't wait until EPB gets their fiber-to-home service going. If I have any money, I just might subscribe. Partly to encourage them, and partly to stick a finger in the eye of the other guys.) Anyway, I look out the peephole and I know instantly what's up. So, I open the door, and before the guy can even speak, I give him an earful and close the door.

Then I call the management office, hoping to get a recording that will tell me the phone number for the on-site security guy. No luck. I get an answering "service". So I ask for the number for the security guy.

And this is where things go south.

Instead of saying the intelligent thing ("We're not allowed to give that out, but I can have him call you."), the idiot moron half-wit person on the other end asks my name.

What the...? What does that have to do with anything?

Ignoring that, I ask again for the guy's phone number. Now she finally tells me they're not allowed to give that out. Yeah, that helps a lot.

It's a good thing it wasn't an emergency.

(Fortunately, I know I've got that number around here somewhere. It used to be in my phone. I'll have to dig it out and program it back in.)


This whole thing reminds me of an incident years ago when I had to call some company and got their answering "service". After several minutes of me explaining the situation, the idiot moron half-wit person on the other end finally deigns to tell me that I've reached the answering service for the business. Followed by an impromptu lesson from me on how to use the phone. After that, any time I had to call that business, I would begin with "Is this ________ company, or have I reached the answering service?". If it wasn't the company, I'd hang up.

UPDATE: (13 Dec 09)
I finally found the little refrigerator magnet with the Security phone number on it. No more answering service for me.

Shakespeare for the 21st Century

A couple of my friends linked to this over on Farcebook and I thought it was funny enough to pass along.