De' fliengde Vuogtlänn'r

Observations, rants, etc. from a guy who really gets around.


Best. Instructions. Ever. :-)

OK, so I was rooting around in the local Big Lots, looking for some kind of decent plug-in air freshener. (Trust me -- when I take off my work shoes, you don't even want to be in the same ZIP code.)

Anyway, I came across one that's simply called "Method Aroma Pill". Goes for 4 bucks. Seemed nice. There's one in lavender, which is very relaxing. I buy it. I take it home. I read the instructions. I'm still laughing.
1. Holding fragrance bottle upright, remove cap. Do not remove wick. It's pretty important.

2. Keeping fragrance bottle upright, insert into bottom of pill.

3. Rotate bottle clockwise until tight. You know, righty-tighty.

4. Rotate plug of aroma pill to accommodate vertical or horizontal wall outlet. Insert aroma pill into wall outlet with glass bottle pointing down. Do not point sideways or else fragrance oil will spill. Gravity is mean like that.

Nice to see that someone, somewhere, still has a sense of humor.


Not an instruction, but....

On the back of the carboard my new camera case was mounted on:
"Holds all cameras small enough to fit."

Well, duh....

(And just how come they can't make it hold the cameras too big to fit???)


Military Humor

Unlike the relationship between military food and food, military humor is actually funny.


New Terrorist Threat

At Sydney Airport today, an individual -- later discovered to be a public school teacher -- was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator. Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.


Overheard On The Radio

Today at the mall:

"71 to 300."

"300. Go ahead."

"Yeah, there's a bit of a mess down here in front of American Eagle. Looks like a whole colony of dust bunnies got loose. Someone should corral them before they get away and start breeding."

"10-4. 305, you copy?"


"Be careful. It looks like they've gone feral. They get vicious when they're cornered."

Disclaimer: I disavow any knowledge as to who "71" is.


I Lost A Friend Today

OK, not totally and completely lost. But lost nonetheless. She dropped off of LinkUp because of a few immature jerks in need of a little wall-to-wall counseling session.

I don't know what it is that makes some people misbehave the way they do. Even as far back as high school, I could never understand why some guys behave the way they do around women. Do they really think that "You're hot!" is the way to a woman's heart? Idiots.

And on top of that, they have to turn to insults when she doesn't respond favorably. Yeah, what a way to win friends and influence people.

Oddly enough, when Dori first started showing up around LinkUp, I ignored her. Didn't really want to have anything to do with her. In all fairness, she's one of the few naturally photogenic people I've ever met. You'd really have to put some effort into taking a bad picture of her. Cynic that I am, I just figured she was another one of those stuck-up narcissists I used to run into so often. Then I found out that she's friends with Deb, and I figured anyone who's Deb's friend has to be at least OK. And I found out what an awesome person she really is. My life is the better for having gotten to know her.

Well, I have her e-mail and her blog address. So I can pop around there from time to time and maybe she'll pop in here once in a while and take in my crazy rants.

But if I ever run into any of those morons....