De' fliengde Vuogtlänn'r

Observations, rants, etc. from a guy who really gets around.


Good Evening???

OK, so I'm out running errands yesterday and twice within an hour, the same thing happens. Just as I've finished paying for my purchases and leaving, the idiot person behind the register says "Have a good evening".


I almost never wear a watch, but I knew it couldn't be much past 2:00. Sure enough, I check a clock, and it's only a few minutes after.

Now, I realize that different cultures have different ways of dealing with time. In Germany, we never say "Good night" until we're actually going to bed. You come visit me and leave at 9:30, I'll still say "Good evening".

But not at 2:00 in the afternoon.

My parting words in both cases? "Let's get thru the afternoon first.


Traffic Stops

The following 15 Police Comments were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

#14 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? OK, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey DOO."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "Just how big were those two beers?"

#3 "No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

#2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

And.................... THE BEST ONE !!!!!!!

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. .... Sign here.


Storm Watch 2006

Bush Fails To Prevent East Coast Blizzard: Minorities Hit Hardest by Killer Storm
Brian Williams NBC 02/12/06

As President Bush and his staff cowered in the White House, the snow continued to pile up on the many poor and African- American victims who could not afford to get out of town or to safety in Florida. Crucial supplies of blankets, hot cocoa, popcorn, and dark rum, so essential to surviving the stress of any major snowstorm, lay in stores undelivered.

"Where is the government? I need my sidewalk shoveled so I can get
out to buy my danged lottery tickets!" said one DC resident from his living room. "Why are we wasting money in Iraq when we could be spending it here on me?"

Progressive blogs blasted the President for his inaction. "We find the timing terribly suspicious, just as the domestic spying hearings kick into high gear, what happens? A major northeast blizzard. Why now?", wrote one blogger.

Hearings into the blizzard effect on hearings are almost a certainty. Howard Dean has suggested he will call for an investigation once his new medications kick in.

John Kerry took a break from the sporting activities of the glamorous super-rich in some exotic locale (random choice: ice sailing in Finland) to call for new legislation outlawing snowstorms.

Said Howard Dean, "The Republican Congress has dropped the ball once again. I have always been a staunch supporter of anti- snow legislation, except for certain locations in Vermont where I ski regularly. Snow has no business on our roads and the President and Congress know that."

Calls for a Bush impeachment over Snow Gate, as some are calling it, are already mounting as deeply as the snow itself, and what will be discovered underneath will prove to have a truly chilling effect on the Republicans, as the inevitable thaw proceeds.

More breaking news: Al Sharpton wants an investigation as to why snow is always white.

In a late-breaking story today, Cheney confirmed that he has NYSE stock in Tru-Value Hardware. Do you have any idea how many snow shovels Tru-Value sold today to the unsuspecting consumer?

Continuing, John Kerry said in a Saudi Arabian press conference today, "I demand to know why FEMA has been so late in reacting to this storm. They knew it was coming, and yet FEMA failed to have crews in place to fix the electricity as soon as it went off. It just shows that Bush and the Republicans just don't care about the people in the New England. The Senate needs to investigate this dereliction of duty."

In another report, the great junior senator from NY has opened the doors of her home to all of the heatless poor of her neighborhood and is busy baking cookies for them, while her husband applies body heat to nearly frozen teenaged girls.

That is all for now. This is NBC, and I'm Brian Williams.

Fitness Update -- February 2006

OK, I've been a lazy little slug on vacation and on the road, so I haven't really done a proper workout since just before Veterans Day. However.... thanks to Relacor and the Nancy Reagan Diet ("Just say 'no'"), my weight has held at around 186. Between Thanksgiving and New Year's, not only did I not gain any weight, I actually lost four pounds. Not bad.

Now that I'm pretty much settled in in my new living quarters (a nice house), I've started wearing the ankle weights again, although there's nowhere nearby that I can go walking, even if I had had the time. But I still need to get back to doing the push-ups and sit-ups.

Update: (13 Feb 2006)

OK, so I had to change my routine a bit. Now that I'm living in a house, I can't do the walk I used to do. And I've gotten lazy about the push-ups and sit-ups I used to do (but I need to get back to them). However....

One great way of staying fit is martial arts. Very few people know this about me (because it's no one's business), but I earned my Black Belt in Tae Kwon Do back in 1979. I pretty much stopped when I moved to Albuquerque, but I still have the books that describe the Hyung ("forms") that we do. I learned the first 10, but haven't done them in years. So...

The other day, I dug out the books and started re-learning them. So far, I've learned Chon-Ji, Dan-Goon, and Doh San, and I'm working on Won-Hyo. They're a great way to stay fit and flexible, and don't take much time to do. We'll see how fast I can learn the rest of them. At least I've got enough space in the cellar to do them.

Update: (17 Feb 2006)

So far, so good. I got Won-Hyo down pretty quickly and even re-learned Yul-Gohk faster than I thought I would in only one work-out). I'll work on all five from now 'til Monday, then see if I can learn Joon-Guhn on Monday.

The only downside to all of this is that I now have aches in places I forgot I had places. :-(


A Note To The Parents

An actual note sent from the PTA of Springville, UT to parents:

On Oct. 5th we are having Walk to School Day. For those that is close To school we ask that you walk with Your Parents and walk to school. Those That live to far from School we ask that The parents walk to the bus with your Children or drive as close to the school And then have them walk. This is for us as Parent to teach our children the safes way To get to school. We hope that everyone Take part in this day.

The PTA"

I think I see what's wrong with our government school system.