Fitness Update -- March 2006

02 March
Yesterday's work-out:
Distance walked: Unknown
Leg weights: yes
Push-ups: 50
Sit-ups: 50
The usual isometrics
Activity level: low
This morning's weight: 190

03 March
Yesterday's work-out:
Distance walked: Unknown
Leg weights: no
Push-ups: 100
Sit-ups: 100
No isometrics
Activity level: low
This morning's weight: 190

10 March
Yesterday's work-out:
Distance walked: Unknown
Leg weights: no
Push-ups: 100
Sit-ups: 100
No isometrics
Activity level: low
This morning's weight: 190

14 March
Yesterday's work-out:
Distance walked: Unknown
Leg weights: yes
Push-ups: 150
Sit-ups: 140
No isometrics
Activity level: low
This morning's weight: 195

15 March
Yesterday's work-out:
Distance walked: Unknown
Leg weights: yes
Push-ups: 140
Sit-ups: 140
No isometrics
Activity level: low
This morning's weight: ???

16 March
Yesterday's work-out:
Distance walked: Unknown
Leg weights: yes
Push-ups: 200
Sit-ups: 200
No isometrics
Activity level: low
This morning's weight: 193

17 March
Yesterday's work-out:
Distance walked: Unknown
Leg weights: yes
Push-ups: 200
Sit-ups: 200
No isometrics
Activity level: low
This morning's weight: 103

18 March
Yesterday's work-out:
Distance walked: Unknown
Leg weights: yes
Push-ups: 200
Sit-ups: 200
No isometrics
Activity level: low
This morning's weight: 192

23 March
Yesterday's work-out:
Distance walked: Unknown
Leg weights: yes
Push-ups: 200
Sit-ups: 200
No isometrics
Activity level: low
This morning's weight: 190

24 March
Yesterday's work-out:
Distance walked: Unknown
Leg weights: yes
Push-ups: 200
Sit-ups: 200
No isometrics
Activity level: low
This morning's weight: 190

24 March
Yesterday's work-out:
Distance walked: Unknown
Leg weights: yes
Push-ups: 200
Sit-ups: 200
No isometrics
Activity level: moderate
This morning's weight: 190*
*Despite eating a pint of ice cream!)

25 March
Yesterday's work-out:
Distance walked: Unknown
Leg weights: yes
Push-ups: 200
Sit-ups: 200
No isometrics
Activity level: moderate
This morning's weight: 190

26 March
Yesterday's work-out:
Distance walked: Unknown
Leg weights: yes
Push-ups: 200
Sit-ups: 200
No isometrics
Activity level: moderate
This morning's weight: 190

28 March
Yesterday's work-out:
Distance walked: Unknown
Leg weights: yes
Push-ups: 200
Sit-ups: 200
No isometrics
Activity level: moderate
This morning's weight: 191

29 March
Yesterday's work-out:
Distance walked: Unknown
Leg weights: yes
Push-ups: 200
Sit-ups: 200
No isometrics
Activity level: moderate
This morning's weight: 191

30 March
Yesterday's work-out:
Distance walked: Unknown
Leg weights: yes
Push-ups: 200
Sit-ups: 200
No isometrics
Activity level: moderate
This morning's weight: 191

31 March
Yesterday's work-out:
Distance walked: ≥3 miles
Leg weights: yes
Push-ups: 200
Sit-ups: 200
No isometrics
Activity level: moderate
This morning's weight: 191

All I Know About Computers

Things You Learn About Computers From the Movies
1. All monitors display 2-inch-high letters.
2. You never have to use the spacebar when typing long sentences.
3. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces.
4. You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard.
5. People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data. And it never seems to get lost or deleted
6. A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.
7. Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function.
8. All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.
9. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. In the movies, modems transmit data at two gigabytes per second.
10. When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building.
11. If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access it.
12. No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms.
13. Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional, real-time, photo-realistic animated graphics capability.
14. Computers never crash during key, high-intensity activities. Humans operating computers never make mistakes under stress.
15. Programs are fiendishly perfect and never have bugs that slow down users.

Kiss Off; I'm German

One of these days, I gotta have a lapel button made that says that. And I'll wear it every year on the 17th of March. Just to p|$$ people off.

So you're Irish? Isn't that cute. Take it outside and play with it.

Lou Buys A Computer

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, might their "Who's On First?" routine have turned out something like this?

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals and track expenses. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend nything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START"............

Why Not Ask 'Why'?

There's a story -- most likely allegorical -- about the National Park Service and the Lincoln Memorial. Apparently, someone noticed that the Memorial was getting a bit worn, and wanted to know why. The answer turned out to be that it got washed rather often, moreso than the others.

Why?

Because it got dirtier quicker than the other memorials.

Why?

Because the birds hung around there more than around the others.

Why?

Because of all the bugs.

Why were there any more bugs at the Lincoln Memorial than at the others?

Because the lights were turned on earlier.

Why?

Because it was the most popular one.

If you can ask "Why?" five times -- and get an intelligent answer -- you'll probably find your way to the heart of any matter.